F Raw D

“A fresh baby’s butt has perfect vibrance, push your finger into that butt and you feel that vibrance.” – Dr. Tel Owens

Why is “alternative” medicine a $34 billion dollar industry in the US. Easy… the abused and battered virtue of human hope.

I am quite sure that a substantial portion is beneficial in some manner, but an equal portion is simple quackery. Raw foodies and the obese community are particularly appealing target for quasi-science, seemingly miraculous diets and cleanses, and snake oil cures (I won’t go into the effects of my experiments with fruitianism).

Last Saturday I had secured a free ticket to a raw foods potluck by trading my skills as a coconut cracking pro. I had suspected the meet up was a medicinal scheme disguised after reading the of the key note speaker, a Dr. Tel-Owen (Dr. T for short) quick cancer cures and one time skin radiance treatments. According to him, healthy skin was as easy as raw pie.

I briefly break down the evening below:

7:00 PM
These events attract all types; that nights turnout was predominantly middle aged white persons, generally overweight and toying with the idea of a raw foods diet. Hopes were in raw foods ability to restore beauty, cure chronic heart disease, obesity, and hyper tension. Under the right supervision, duration, and regiment it can… but it is not quick fix.

7:45 PM: Being a raw novice crowd the potluck spread was more of a salad buffet; varied enough not to totally turn a potential raw foodist off. I attribute this to two particular items, RawBROWIES, and Avocado Custard Pie.

8:00 PM: The cancer skin consultation would proceed as soon as the now hour late Dr. T uh… woke up. He had fallen asleep in on an office couch with the door locked and the organizers could not seem to stir him.

8:45 PM:
Dr. T begins apologetically. The red eye from a seminar in Israel has left him jet lagged, and his body was reacting to Oakland’s pollution he explained. No time to waste, he launches into an hour tirade of health falsehoods that rivals mid-evil medicine.

The Problem: unsightly skin legions, blemishes, growths, and the cancer risks they present.
The Cause: High plant and animal protein diet, Flax and soy sudo-estrogens, glucose exposure (eating?), drinking water with meals, and a host of other habits most MD’s would praise.
The Solution: Consultation and removal treatment involving the application of a “safe, effective non-medical liquid,” restricting the nutrition of the growth or legion starving it into remission. A small scab forms for several days “leaving esthetically pleasing skin” some weeks later.
Children with moles and skin tags, no worries, according to Dr. T’s pamphlet, “Even small children can tolerate the slight burning sensation.”
The Cost: The consultation is free, $75 – 100 for the 1st legion and $15 – 45 for each additional legion. Wholey moley what a deal. A true blemish banishing bargain considering that it is especially effective on “melanin containing or cancer-prone flat areas.” This is followed by a customized full vegan diet plan (prices vary)

10:00 PM: The raw brownie’s were gone, and with them my patiance for this charlaton. I head home early.

Why this is a Fraud:

1)It is a quick fix with no creditable citeable studies peer reviewed evidence of success. Medical success of this nature are not discussed in veteran’s hall basements

2)Dr. T boasts a staggering list of degrees and accreditations. His med degree is from Europe (country was never specified, his accent sounded sorta Finnish??) not the US. His nutritionist certification is from American Clinical Board of Nutrition, an institution with no link to any sort of government checks of agency. He has a list of 20+ other titles and certifications. When it comes to degrees less is more. Anyone with more certificates than fingers is a likely fraud. Coming up with fancy names health board names is easy, graduating from med school is a tad tougher.

3)During his talk he offered only generalities on what not to eat this list included all animal products, all protein rich foods, water in bottles, and water with food. Facts about what to eat are reserved for the consultation. Curiosity tempts clients toward the “free” consultation, a tried and true persuasive tactic known as the Foot in the Door technique. Dr. T has his foot in the door and his hand in your wallet once he has secured this consultation. No such thing as a free lunch as they say.
4)Dr. T’s treatments are unprovable and therefore unscientific. Everyone has a mole or blemish somewhere, there is no means of determining any cancer rappelling properties.

I am an admitted holistic health nut. I keep strict vegan, meditate, do yoga, love and value Buddhist philosophy, and believe there is a force beyond my understanding in the universe. I have also had the benefit of studying the science of Social Psychology and I am will not have my hope of health exploited by petty men in paper lab coats. I use the tips signs discussed above to protect myself from fraud. I hope you will use them to.

“Eat food, not to much. Mostly plants” – Marion Nestle


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